Learning How To Be Home

This trip to LA made me realize that the part of me that is wild and free and brave and audacious is still in me. But she’s been hibernating for the last two years while I’m living in Toronto. Why? ⁠
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I think I’ve been afraid to feel at home in Toronto. Afraid that if I get too comfortable, God will make me stay and I’ll be relegated to a life in The Box. In an act of quiet revolt (and yes, fear), I resisted. In my heart, I kept telling God, “Yo, I don’t belong here. When do I get to leave?”⁠
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It’s taken time, but my soul is finally settling into the mission and purpose of my life in this chapter. ⁠
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Week by week, I’m learning how to be in the city, and still do me. That means doing work that is my life's work. That means being impeccably clear on my values and priorities. That means not playing along with every status quo.⁠
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Part of my task in the next year is to keep the wild-free-brave-audacious Anita awake. To help her be at home here, so that I am not cut off from this part of my soul and spirit. To integrate my freshly revived traveler-self with the Anita I’ve grown into, the one who can also thrive in the city and create a steady flow of content, unphased by the pressure, the noise and the chaos of city life.⁠
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In common for us to leave parts of ourselves behind when we transition to a new phase of life. We just want to get on. Move on. However, it’s important to take time to uncover all that we learned and integrate who we were. Yes, it requires radical honesty about our mistakes and mishaps, but it’s not a painful as you’d think. It’s profoundly healing and therapeutic. The reward? FREEDOM. WHOLENESS. ALIVENESS. It’s worth it. �💛

- Anita ⁠