Sabbatical Update: Rewriting the Lies That Kept Me Busy, Tired and Worried
Out for a hike to enjoy the autumn leaves and fall colours
After a summer that felt like a spiritual frenzy, I decided to make a much-needed shift a few weeks ago. I let go of the stress about my future job, post-MBA plans, and all the “what’s next?” questions, and tried to transition back into what I call Sabbatical Mode.
This year was meant to be a sabbatical for me, a time for my soul to rest, rejuvenate and restore its creative energies.
Slowing Down in September
September felt much better. I started visiting the gym and swimming pool in my building regularly. A few times a week, I’d take short swims, letting go of the urge to time everything or plan down to the minute. Instead of stressing about how long things took, I embraced the slowness. If a task took longer than expected, I’d simply acknowledge it and think, “Okay, I’ll aim to leave more time for this tomorrow or next week.” No more self-criticism for moving at my own pace.
That has brought me into today.
I haven’t written in two weeks! I was on a roll in September, as you might have noticed from the number of blogs I posted. But I had to press pause as Canadian Thanksgiving came around, and group projects for school began.
Looking ahead, November is going to be packed with group work and my individual research project on Generative AI and the Future of Work. I’d love to keep writing in the mornings, but I also want to be mindful of my energy. I don’t want to burn out my brain in the early hours and leave myself drained for class later in the day.
(My non-sabbatical-mode self would have powered through, fueled by the thrill of packing in more learning, but that’s not the mode I’m in these days.)
So I will pop into this blog here and there as my soul feels comfortable doing so.
Now What? Resetting with Stillness
The last few weeks have been filled with a recurring question: *Now what?*
I’ve found myself re-reading highlights from The Life You Long For: Learning to Live from a Heart of Rest by Christy Nockels. Her words have been a soothing balm for my weary soul.
At one point, I even felt the need to handwrite some lines from her book, as if writing them out would inscribe them onto my heart. I turned her words into affirmations, ones I could carry with me throughout the day:
“I choose to step into the mystery of trusting that God will make a way for us if we obey what He is pressing into our hearts.”
“God is my provider and promoter.”
“God will propel me into what He’s prepared for me.”
Over the past few weeks, instead of rushing to write each morning, I’ve spent that time reflecting on these affirmations. I’ve been allowing my heart to truly *feel* the belief in them—trusting, letting go, finding peace, and watching hope rise.
Tasting the water from a creek in Ontario
Facing The Lies That Held Me Back
One thing in her book that really landed for me was a prayer to stop believing the lies and to listen for what God wanted to say to me.
What were the lies I had been listening to that had wreaked havoc and turmoil into my mental state and poisoned my soul?
The lies:
I need to do this on my own. It’s all up to me.
I messed up. I’m missing out. I should have made different decisions!
I’m wasting my time! I’m wasting time in the this MBA when I should be making money instead!
I wrote them out in my journal and then I crossed them out and wrote the truth:
What is true:
God is sovereign over all. HE owns EVERY business. He knows best for me!
He has an amazing plan for my life - which is unfolding right now He opens doors no man can open.
There is reason I am here doing my MBA. It’s not up to me. God and Holy Spirit and his angels are doing incredible things in the unseen.
I didn’t mess up and I’m not ‘missing out’!
I’m doing exactly what I’m supposed to be doing.
To live my life in Christ and from Christ is all the gold and goodness of life. God is producing the choicest fruit in me.
Even typing out these words now gives me life. Why didn’t I think of this before? How did I get pulled so far and fast deep into the MBA hole that I lost my sense of God?
The frenzy of activity started in June—stress about case interviews, MBA networking events, company visits. It crept up week by week, until by mid-July, I had come to believe the lies and forgotten the truth.
Grounding Myself in the Truth
So as I look ahead into the rest of this month and November, I am aware that staying grounded in these truth is the best thing I can do for myself. Instead of worrying about my future job, I pray about it.
Instead of feeling like I’m not good enough, I listen for God’s voice telling me, “I have great, wondrous and magnificent plans for your life, far greater than you could even imagine.”
Instead of fretting about how it’s all going to come together, I remind my spirit of all the times God came through and gave a wonderful job, or house to live in for a time.
In this space, which is no longer crowded out through extra activity, hope arises.
I feel a growing sense that something truly “exceedingly, abundantly, above all that I can ask or imagine” is on its way.
Just as God has done before, He’ll do it again.
I Choose To Believe
In fact, it might already be here, right under my nose. After all, I’m completing an MBA at a world-class business school. I’m on a sabbatical. And I just got engaged to the kindest, most wonderful man.
There’s so much going right that I can be grateful for right now. The future is in God’s hands, and it will sort itself out.
So, I’m letting the quiet bubbling in my soul grow, trusting that everything will ripen in its time. Until then, it’s okay to just enjoy the present.
God’s got it.
Infinite Love,
Anita
