Seed is nothing without the soil: Why I Embrace My 'Ordinary' Life
As I contemplate what it means to live well and live wisely in the Second Half of Life, my soul is reaching more and more for the words that will give me clarity. I want to know that I’m moving in the right direction, one that will bring me forward into spiritual maturity. I don’t want to keep re-creating the same old habits of striving, vain ambition and materialistic goals.
After Jamaica, there was a part of me that wanted to go back to my traveler way of life. Being at the retreat center and living in it’s daily rhythm - it was all so familar to me. I could stayed there and easily spent the next few years working at different retreat centers. Imagine if I spent six months at each retreat center, living in four different countries in two years. Wouldn’t that be fun?! I’d get to contribute to meaningful businesses, use my talents and build my skillset in these exotic environments.
Yet I didn’t acted on any of these impulses to leave and find a “sexier” place to work and I do not intend to.
“Seed is nothing without the soil”
- Bobbie Houston, Stay The Path
If I am a seed, and if I do not allow myself to be planted somewhere, I cannot sprout.
Last year, a co-worker was leaving her job at the church and over our last lunch together she told me how God showed her that this place was a greenhouse. Inside, it was a safe, warm and protected bubble and now she had grown enough that it was time to leave and be planted elsewhere.
In this season of my life, I have clearly been given soil to grow in. I have two steady jobs. I am enrolled in a master’s program that will take me another 3.5 to 4 years to complete. My jobs have given me little indication of ever “moving up” since they are both at small companies with little upward mobility and slow growth. I’m sure that this is also God’s design so that I can be pruned of my “upward” ambitions, so that I can learn to surrender my career.
I can sense in my soul that I’m not done with my life in Toronto yet. I haven’t finished what I was brought here to contribute, and I haven’t received all of the lessons that I need to learn from here yet.
In fact, the signs of my soul and the world have been pointing me to consider at staying in Toronto much longer than my younger self would want.
“Planting is your responsibility. You have the ability to decide where and how you sow your life, and God’s spirit is well about to lead you such an important decision.”
- Bobbie Houston
I know that uprooting myself is an unwise decision. The growth is not going to come from changing my environment. It’s going to come from facing what it infront of me and living through it differently.
Richard Rohr calls this personal transition a movement into the “Second Half of Life.”
These days, I’m consciously creating space for my soul to move into my second half of life and let go of my previous ways.
What does it mean to live well in the Second Half? To transition into the second half?
Here is a breakdown of the two modes of being:
First Half Of Life - “I need”
tries to be ‘somebody’
Working for love, approval, recognition
Trying to earn approval, to win at a ‘game’ of my choosing
Life as a tool to gain
Arrogance, pride posturing
Desiring the grandiose, extravagant
Want it all ‘for myself’, for personal gain
Signs of an ‘orphan spirit’, meandering, homeless
Focused on building personal wealth
Trying to be somebody else - copying
Fast, rushed, trying to do it all
Greed, insatiable desires and wants
Easily swayed by external opinions and affects
Unconscious, guarded, defensive.
Second Half of Life - “I am”
Recognizes that I am inherently valuable and loved, because I have been given life
Life as an expression of thanksgiving
Knows that ‘winning’ is meaningless. Life is about sharing, loving, giving
Values humility, simplicity, and integrity
Honours the sacredness, interconnectedness and worth in everything and in oneself.
Wants to share it, give it way, to serve
Rooted, grounded “child of God.” (identifies with her or her spiritual calling and identity)
Trusts instincts/gut/soul
Discerning, patient, values wisdom
Makes conscious and intentional choices.
Knows how to decipher between my ‘childish’ urges and ambitions and the God-destiny planted in me.
There is no bragging, no arrogance, no need to “show off”.
listens to the High Wisdom, the voice of Love, of God, not the voice of fear.
Moving from the first half into the second half of life is a process. I expect that there will be times that I oscillate back and forth between the two (and this has already begun to happen), but by naming the direction, I’m able to move into it better.
As often happens, I picked up a book and found words that speak directly to my current situation. Here’s an excerpt from Stay The Path, by Bobbie Houston.
Trust The Gardener
“Trust The Gardener” (92)
“He is not afraid to prune our branches, because He knows there is more within when it comes to new growth and vision…. Careful and correct pruning at the end of one season and before the next season is crucial to a healthy and beautiful planet.” - Bobbie Houston
I am consciously surrendering myself, my ambitions, goals and dreams to be pruned. I have submitted myself to the Gardener. I recognizing the benefits of pruning, even if it is difficult and painful. This is why, more and more, I am consciously choosing to see this season through. I know what happens if I uproot myself. I’ve done it before, dozens of times. This, my current life in the city, is the unknown ending. This actually holds more adventure, though it is quiet and subtle, not grandiose, triumphant and doesn’t produce photos of me in a tropical paradise for Instagram (though… that could happen too!)
“Trust The Soil” (94)
“Trust the soil that you find yourself within. If you have a conviction about where you are sowing your life, then trust the conviction that positions you. Don’t fear the soil or what it may require of you, and always remember: The devil cannot uproot what has been planted by God.” - Bobbie Houston
I most certainly have a conviction that I’m meant to be here. The soil does more to me than I could do myself.
Now that the emotional rush and overpowering sense of adventure I got from my trip to Jamaica has subsided, what has filled the space is a quiet, wiser knowing. I’m sure that waves like that will come again, but now I feel like I know how to surf those emotional waves. I know what direction I’m moving in. I have an anchor. Clarity. Soil. I am planted in good soil, and I will stay and wait for the flower to bloom.
