Why Did I Do A Masters Of Divinity? Thoughts On (Almost) Being Done

Some thoughts on why I did a masters of divinity, how I feel about it now that I'm almost done, lessons I've learned in the process and ways I've grown.

At the end and start of a new year, I like to take time to reflect on how I've grown and where I feel called to grow next.

This year feels very different from any other year I've lived in the past.

Weekend walks at Lake Ontario.

I do miss writing here.

I remember that stint in 2018-2019 when I published many blogs and wrote most days in the morning. I had never felt so centered and calm. The writing sessions were therapeutic, like having a therapy session with a trusted friend first thing in the morning! They helped me to locate my thoughts, and I've noticed that when I'm not writing for a while, all those thoughts tumble around in my head.

Even when I journal out my thoughts into a notebook, it's not the same as writing out an organized piece. I hold myself to a higher standard when I am writing for the blog, whereas my journals are full of half-written sentences and fragments of thoughts.

Nonetheless, a large reason I had to stop blogging and writing for fun was that I needed to write papers for my masters.

only two courses left

Having said that, I recently mapped out my final assignments for the final (!!) two courses of my masters of divinity program. Can you believe I only have two courses left!? I can hardly believe it! How did I do 25 courses over the past 3 years?  That must be 100+ assignments... I feel exhausted thinking about it!

There is a part of me that still wonders and asks God, what was that all about? Why did you make me do this masters?

Especially now that it's quite clear to me that my immediate next chapter is not taking me into full-time church work, it seems odd that I did this program. I've poured hundreds, thousands of unseen hours into writing papers that perhaps no one will see. I've received hundreds of tiny spiritual revelations that I didn't have time to elaborate on.

All of I've got to show for all this work is a folder with some 40 of the 100+ papers and presentations... (I tried to put all of papers and presentations into a folder on my laptop and I can't even find all of them!)

I won’t know the answer and that’s ok

However, as soon as I ask that question, what was that all about? I can sense the answer.  You won't know for a while. It's not for you to know yet.

On one hand, this masters program is how I got to produce Heavenly Minded Earthly Good, the podcast. That podcast was one of the most healing works of art I've made in a long time. I do feel that if God made me do the whole masters just so I could do the podcast and have that story live on a little, it was worth it.

Still, I sense that voice of wisdom in my spirit, which I consider the voice of God, tell me that it could be years, even decades before I can see why I did an Mdiv. Today, I can finally say, ok. I'll wait. I trust you, God. I know that I followed and obeyed God in the decision to do the masters. And that is the best I can ask for. That's all God asks of me. I trusted him enough to follow through.

And he did show up - giving me a job at Tyndale and this podcast to produce.

Another Degree that Made Sense Later

It's only now that I'm beginning to see why I went to business school. I completed and Honours Business Administration (HBA) at a prestigious business school in Ontario, Richard Ivey Business School and at the time, I remember having similar thoughts. Why am I doing this? This is a lot of money! Will this ever be useful?

And for almost 10 years, it didn't seem that useful. But now, with a new chapter dawning in my work life, the seeds that were planted then are beginning to sprout.

So I choose to trust that the hundreds of hours spent on my Mdiv were not just to write 100+ papers. Not just so that I can have another piece of paper to file in a folder.

I trust that seeds were planted in my soul.

I trust that these years and these courses chipped away as the edges of my soul, carving me a little more into who God designed me to be.

What I’ve learned

At the very least, I learned that obedience is always the better way.

I learned to surrender my will to his deeper. I learned that he sees and in his own time and way, God will bless me for it.

I learned that I can let go of "my" passions and God will give me energy and passion for wherever he wants to direct me. It's ok to trust that energy, which I consider the spirit of God moving me.

And at the most, God is going to exceedingly, abundantly more than I could imagine with this Mdiv.

I choose to live with anticipation and hope that God knows I did a Mdiv, even though it doesn’t make sense right now

Yes, I feel a slight sense of disappointment, and it's okay for me to feel both the disappointment and accomplishment.

I'll be praying and working my way through several more book reports and two final papers over the next month. It's the home stretch! A fitting phrase, since I also feel like my soul has found a home.

Thank you for reading and being here! Please feel free to leave me a comment. I’ve gotten several emails over the years about my choice to do a Mdiv, so I hope this helps a little - for those of you considering it.

It’s not a straight path. Sometimes it won’t make financial sense or practical sense, but I’ve learned to trust God. God will guide you. :)

Infinite Love,

Anita