Every since I was 29, I started thinking about what my thirties would mean to me.

That might sound a bit extra lol, but the transition into my thirties felt very significant to me.

I didn't want to let it pass me by. I wanted to integrate all its gifts and learn all those lessons. (I wrote a few blogs during this period of turning 30 and linked them here.)

Now, that I just turned 32, I feel that I am finally ready to face my thirties with an open heart.

There are the pillars for my life going forward, my guiding lights:

Obedience & Surrender to God.

Ok, this one isn't a very popular or common thing to say, but it's the most honest for me.

My life circumstances, especially the last 5-7 years have really shown me that I do not know what exactly is in store for me. When I first discovered spiritual concepts like the Law Of Attraction, I was enamoured with the idea that I could vision board and dream my "ideal" life into existence.

For maybe two years, it did seem like I could "manifest" events in my life. I was travelling the world and making content. But then, Montenegro hit me and it all fell apart. Everything in me was shattered from the inside out and I had a deep inner knowing that there is Higher Intelligence at work in my life, an Intelligence that I call God and the one primarily from the Christian tradition.

It's not very popular to say “I submit my whole life to God”... but that's exactly how I live now. I've found it to be the safest and most adventurous way to life. In my experience, God clearly has a plan for my life, and it's better than my own. Nowadays, I enjoy letting God be in the driver's seat while I ride along in the passenger's seat.

2. Believe In Those Dreams.

Having said all the above about obedience and surrender, I can now trust the dreams that come to me. It's currently blowing my mind that I've found myself in Niagara, in a role with a travel company that seems like it was perfectly, intricately designed for me. Or that my whole life has crafted and carved me for this role.

I can hardly explain... it might take me 10,000+ words to fully explain how miraculous that I am here. (I've pondered this miracle for months and it still makes me a little weepy to reflect on this miracle.)

I used to get tiny inklings about what I would do in my future.

“You know, maybe I'll build a retreat center one day. Maybe I'll meet someone who gets my heart and lets me help them run a retreat center.” How did I know this would happen?!?! I wrote another article with more about how specific and unique it is that I wound up in Niagara, so I won't go on about it here.

Niagara has shown me that I can and should trust the dreams that quietly bubble up in me. I had no idea at the time, but those dreams were prophetic.

Now I believe that the dreams I receive are from God and God will make them happen. When I feel daunted by the scale of certain dreams, I try to release any feelings of doubt and lean into awe of how my life has turned out so far.

3. Be Patient, with yourself and others. Everyone is growing.

Growth takes time.

Ever since I came back to Toronto in 2017 and stopped rushing around the world, I started to witness how I grew, but slowly. At work, I would slowly come to realize little lessons and do better every month. But that process can't be rushed. I also realized it takes time for people, including myself, to process change.

When I get a new job, my nervous system goes on overdrive because it has to process so much information: things like the expectations of my new boss, existing social relationships among my new coworkers and new morning, work and evening routines. Then there are the additional layers like psychologically, emotionally and spiritually processing the lessons from the job I just left and releasing those relationships too.

Typical workplaces gives employee 90 days probation, but I feel that it takes 6 months for all those new rhythms to settle in, and for me to get a proper picture of how to grow and contribute in a new company well.

In my current situation, not only did a start a new role unexpectedly, I also moved to a new town, a smaller town that pulled me further away from my existing friendships. So, 7 months in, I'm still adapting, learning and finding my rhythms.

I have grown a lot, and I'm proud of myself for it but it's also been humbling.

It's helped me to have compassion for others and myself when things don't measure up to my expectations. I used to be proud of the fact that I could work fast, and now I realize I probably shouldn't be working so fast. Looking back, I see that would cut some corners to do things faster, and now I see value in doing work a little slower but more thoroughly.

There is nothing honourable about rushing ahead of others and being like a tyrant, trying to make others work faster to keep up with you. That's cruel!

It's also a cruel way to treat myself. If I'm not self-aware, I can be like a slave-master to myself, relentless about productivity and not giving myself any time to rest.

So as I look ahead to the next 7 years of my thirties (What?! I only have 7 years left?! lol), I feel more anchored, more free and yet more grounded than I did in my twenties.

My fate is not up to me. I do believe that God who "knit me in my mother's womb", who formed me and created me exactly according to his will and plan, is at work in my life. He dreams his dreams through me.

His Holy Spirit is alive and working in me, changing me and forming me into the woman he would have me be, to fulfill the destiny he created me for.

But I'm not expected to do it all at once or change quickly.

We are given time, thankfully.

It feels to be writing. :) I hope to do more soon! Until then, thank you for reading and being here! Feel free to drop me a line via my contact form on this site if you like!

Infinite Love,

Anita

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