The 20 Biggest Lessons From My 20s
A Celebration of An DECADE
It’s just a few days before I turn 30 and this is the kind of thing I do before a milestone… think about everything I’ve learned! :)
1. take chances!
All of the most memorable experiences in my twenties happened because I took chances. I said yes, I tried again, I ventured out. I was always willing to try something new and even if my plans went horribly wrong, I found something to learn from the experience.
Me circa 2013
They say life is short, but life is also long. Life is full of chances to recover and start again. I already lived a few lives in my twenties and I look forward to living many more in my thirties!
2. Take chances, ya, but Take Your Time too.
I don’t need to cram everything that I want into a few years. How about giving myself a few decades?
One of the best things about moving out of my twenties is that I no longer feel this rush to make things happen now. Because our society idolizes youth, I thought that my years under 30 would be the prime of my life and I needed to make every year count. I was constantly looking for another mountain to climb, another accomplishment to put under my belt.
I’m so glad that I no longer have that pressure. I know how to live in years now, instead of in weeks or months. As I look into my 30’s, I’ve consciously given myself permission to take my time. Should I stay in this job for 2, 3 or 4 years? I can time my time to contribute the way I want to, for as long as I feel called to. I’m no longer living on some self-imposed deadline and it’s freeing.
3. Don’t believe the stories about dead end-jobs.
For years, I avoided getting a conventional office job, because I’d heard the stories of people getting their souls sucked out of them. There was no way I’d subject myself to that fate! 23 is too young to die!
Of course, I did end up in an office at 27 years old, and it wasn’t that bad. The office job gave me a place to learn incrementally, to work on creative projects I can’t do alone, and a space to reset after years of travel. While I still don’t think I’m the type of person who will work in a job forever — I need variety — I believe jobs can be a beautiful place for us to contribute to the world.
4. Follow Those Hunches
Without a doubt, there is Something, Someone who guides us along in our journey. It’s not possible for it all to be random. Too many good things happened in my twenties for my life to be a freak accident.
I made most of my life decisions intuitively, listening for the voice of God in my heart and sensing what my next right move is. Sometimes the next right move took me somewhere harder, but it was still the right one. I’ll keep tuning in, into what God says to me, into my gut as I navigate my thirties.
5. I have no idea what’s around the corner.
I had a few defining moments in my twenties that proved to me that God can bring me a miracle overnight. Whenever I’m feeling stuck, I think back to the incidents and remind myself that anything could happen tomorrow.
Like the time that I got a chance to attend and film a memoir writing workshop in Guatemala, right before the pandemic shut down travel for a year!
6. Find Out Who You Are Outside of Your Career and Social Media
In the West, we love attaching our identities to our jobs. Our individualistic culture means it’s acceptable, even encouraged, that we cut ourselves off from our family, roots, cities, and even friends, to go into the world and “make a name” for ourselves.
Without consciously knowing it, my early twenties were consumed with the need to be significant. It was only in my late twenties that I could see the emptiness inside me. I understand now that if I don’t have my identity rooted in something spiritual, stable and eternal, my humanity will always latch onto the shifting mirage of my career.
7. I am valuable because I am loved by God
It takes time to figure out who we are, outside of our parent’s, friend’s or the world’s expectations, but it’s the most important thing you can find out about yourself.
Without it, our identities will constantly be buffeted by the changing winds of life.
Personally, I’ve come to understand myself as one beloved, cherished and guided by God, and that gives me the deepest sense of security I’ve ever felt in life.
No matter how I look, how long my hair is, how much money my jobs pay me, I know I am loved by God. I might not live in that space all the time, but I’m learning to dwell in this security more and more.
8. Have a life outside of social media.
I spent years perfecting the art of being a content creator. I don’t regret it, because it jumpstarted the career I have now, but I’ve learned the value of having a life outside of social media.
Since 2016, I’ve taken social media breaks for a few months at a time. In the spring of 2020, I simply stopped posting on Instagram and I haven’t felt the urge to post since. I’m freeee! It’s so refreshing to not be concerned about how my feed fits together!
I also limit the hours that I spend on my phone. Since I work on a computer, I am already in front of the screen for many hours, and it’s important to me to nourish parts of myself away from technology.
As I look into my 30’s, I know that I want to live more of my life away from technology and to keep conscious boundaries around how much technology I let into my life.
9. Create white space.
After going through a phase where I was obsessed with productivity and time management, I learned the importance of leaving white space in my life. The mind, body and soul need time where I am not doing anything. I am not a machine, a widget-maker for a business. I am a human being who needs time to rest, play, launch, stroll, wander and wait. The white space is where God speaks me to, how the air clears, when healing happens. Speaking of…
10. Seek Healing
When you see a part of you that is broken or hurting, Don’t suppress it. At the very least look it up on Youtube and find helpful advice. To fully heal the wound, consider things like counselling, therapy, forgiveness and spirituality.
When I came back to Toronto in 2017, I had a lot of inner wounds that I didn’t know how to fix. I simply stayed open to the process of healing and little by little things came my way. I started seeing a counsellor. I discovered “inner healing” at the church I work for. I had awkward conversations with people I needed to forgive. I journaled. I danced. I sang.
Today, as I close up my twenties, I am so much more self-aware. I am healing. There is freedom on the other side. Don’t be afraid of your darkness. Go into it.
11. Travel, travel, travel!
The single best thing I did in my twenties was travel. I travelled far and wide, up and down. I heard stories and met people that still impact me. I have a sense of direction and clarity about my life because of the things I learned about myself while traveling. Over the years, I’ve written a lot about travel on the blog and you can find more here.
12. Acknowledge the daily Blessings
When I’m travelling, it’s really easy to live with a sense of wonder. Every day feels sacred because I might never get to live this day in Hong Kong, New York or Barcelona again.
When I moved back to the city, I knew that I needed to learn how to find beauty and goodness here. So I started to write out one thing I’m grateful for every day onto a little piece of paper and put it in a jar. That simple practice has now blossomed into a multi-part evening reflection that has trained me to acknowledge the blessings of each day. On difficult days, I’ll still write something, even it’s just a sad face and, “finished today!”
This practice of recounting each days’ blessings has changed the way I view my life in the city. I’m able to find joy, contentment and wonder no matter what happens.
13. Discover Your Own Rhythm
Next to travel, this is might the lesson that gives me the most bang for my buck. Since 2018, when I started working in a regular job with a regular schedule, I have been figuring out how to live my days in a way that works for me.
I call it “finding God’s pace” for my life. My goal is to neither over-produce nor under-produce. I don’t want to put so much effort in that I’m constantly exhausted and I don’t want to be lazy and miss my potential.
After much trial and error (and a little thanks to the pandemic), I’ve been able to find a rhythm for my life that allows me to enjoy my work, stay present, and be aware of God’s presence throughout my day. I wake up, work out, write, eat, work, and sleep at about the same times every day. I don’t try to squeeze in creative projects anymore if I know they’re going to leave me tired. I trust the timing of the seasons.
I wish someone had told me that I could design a unique rhythm for my life when I was younger, but at least I’ll have this lesson tucked in my pocket for my thirties!
14. Patch Up Your Relationship With Your Parents (as much as possible).
Family is something that we will never get away from. I think of it like a cosmic lesson that everyone has to learn, so better to figure it out early than let it haunt you for years. I avoided my parents for most of my twenties. When I was forced to come back to Toronto that I knew that part of the reason was that I needed to patch things up with my parents. Now I talk to my mom almost every day and it’s been such a good thing in my life.
15. Forgive
The choice to recognize where you have been wronged and where you have wronged others and to forgive will change you. It takes humility and radical honesty, but in return for laying down our pride, we receive deep spiritual freedom. Forgiveness is the key that unlocks all kinds of healing.
Who do you need to forgive?
What do you need to forgive yourself for?
What do you need to forgive God for?
What does God need to forgive you for?
Whatever just popped into your head, that’s it. God is the perfect father who always forgives us, and His forgiveness makes all things new.
16. I can’t be a champion every day.
During the height of my productivity obsession, I would tell my mom, “I’m a champion today!” She would playfully reply, “okayyyy, but you can’t be champion every day.”
Turns out, she was right. Some days are average, and that’s ok. Some days are hard, and that’s ok. Some days are glorious and I can be extra grateful for them.
I don’t need to perform like an ultrahuman every day. It’s important to find a balance between creativity and rest, between travel and home.
I can’t be a champion every day, but I can see something good in every day.
17. Embrace the gifts of every season (physical and spiritual seasons)
This is where the traveler in me meets the city. Since I’ve stayed in one location for the last 3.5 years, I’ve deliberately embraced each season and it’s brought so much beauty and joy into my life. There are the physical seasons —winter, spring summer and autumn—and I’ve learned to enjoy the change each season brings.
There are also spiritual seasons and life seasons. I had a season being an entrepreneur, a traveler, and now I’m currently in a season of learning while working in jobs and living in one location. I have seasons here I’m uber-inspired for creative projects and other seasons where my brain feels completely emptied of ideas.
I trust that the seasons will change when they are meant to, and until then, I live in the season, instead of trying to escape it.
18. Don’t Run away from what scares you.
Turn to face it.
I was afraid of an office job, and eventually, I turned to face it. I was afraid of making amends with my parents, and I turned to face it. I was afraid of turning 30 and entering into the “adulthood” phase of my life, but I turned to face it. Growth comes from turning towards the things I want to avoid.
19. Be proud of your journey.
It took a lot of internal processing to come to an understanding of my journey. At the beginning of my 20’s, I proud of my life. Then I was ashamed of it. Now I’ve learned to see it through God’s eyes: through love.
Things are not as simple as ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ decisions, and I no longer judge myself. Living in shame is draining, and it also makes us put up a front. We have to act confident, instead of being genuinely sure of ourselves.
It took a lot of surrender, and prayer, but I’m really grateful that I’ve finally reached a place where I can honour the journey I’ve been on, and celebrate it.
You can also imagine that God is proud of you! God alone knows how much courage it took for you to make it this far.
(And if there is anything that you’re especially not proud of, the next decade is a chance to change it. :)
20. Trust God
My ultimate hope for my life and for the world is built on a belief in God, an ultimate good that pervades our reality.
My hope is not just in my jobs, or my skills or my bank accounts. It is that my entire life is held in God’s hands. God is the one who led me this far and God will lead me all the way home.
Here’s to a new decade! Thirties, here we come! :)
Infinite Love,
Anita
