Be Free From The Pathology of Ambition

In the past, when I’ve tried to articulate with people why travel means so much to me. I haven’t found the words. These days, living in the Toronto area, I sense that I’ve been given this season of my life to hunker down and figure out the words the I never had time to write when I was moving around, booking flights, packing up, and sorting out accommodations. 

This week I started reading Meditation for Busy People by OSHO, he writes about “the pathology of ambition.” I saw that phrase in the Table of Content and thought, YEP, I’m taking this book home. He explains the insanity of what we’ve been taught (and need to unlearn!),

“Nobody is loved or appreciated for just being him or herself. You are asked to prove whether you are of any worth: bring gold medals from the sports field, achieve success, money, power, prestige, respectability. Prove yourself! Your worth is not intrinsic; that's what you have been taught. Your worth has to be proved.  Hence a deep antagonism towards oneself arises, a deep feeling of: ‘ I am worthless as I am - unless proved otherwise’… 

“The idea of success is torturing you. The idea of success, that you have to succeed, is the greatest calamity that has happened to humanity.” - OSHO 

My Personal Struggle with Success and Ambition

As I’ve grown up over these last few years, figured out my values and what I’m here to do, I’ve come face to face with these demons (if I can call them that). Because I always had a deep sense of calling in my life, I think I didn't get as sucked into the rat race as some people may. At 21, I found myself in business school, where the allure of prestige, power and success was the name of game. I simply dropped out of the race. I avoided it, partly by deciding that I wanted to be a documentary filmmaker. Companies that hire for that kind of work do not go to a business school looking for talent, so I had to find my own way to get into the industry.

I didn't submit applications to the high-paying management consultant, accounting, or finance jobs. However, the Kool-Aid still affected me. It was the water we swam in, the air in the hallways. All of my peers, myself included, had internalized the voice of our parents expecting us to make good money after this very expensive business program. We also had to deal with the reputation of the school and what people thought of “Ivey” students. Some people wore it with pride, some people shirked away. 

During my summers in university, I think I kept gravitating towards travel because the people I met while travelling we're on the same trajectory as me. They didn’t give a squat about the rat race. It was oxygen for me. The people I met — scuba diving instructors, aid workers, English teachers and retreat managers — they had been in touch with modern society (ie. Hollywood films, social media, steady jobs). They were well aware of the pathology of success and had decided to take a different path, at least while they travelled.

It was on this travellers’ path that we would meet.

I know that millions of people are still out there travelling and waking up to the absurdity of success and the pathology of ambition.  As much a part of me would like to join them, for now, my assignment is to live and work in the city. Since moving back, the Kool-Aid of Ambition has tempted me many times and I have to consciously decide how much of it I will let in and what I want to go beyond. 

Finding Your Identity In Something Beyond Worldly Success 

“The idea of success is torturing you. The idea of success, that you have to succeed, is the greatest calamity that has happened to humanity.” - OSHO 

“Everybody is suffering and feeling inferior. This is a really strange situation. Nobody is inferior and nobody is superior because each individual is unique -  no comparison is possible. You are you, and you are simply you, and you cannot be anybody else. And there is no need, either. You need not become famous you need not be a success in the eyes of the world. These are all foolish ideas.” - OSHO

I've come to find my identity, the anchor of my soul, in something beyond these fleeting worldly values. My value comes from knowing that I am a child of God. 

There are many ways that the ancient sages have referenced this state of being. It could be called connecting to Source, your heart, the loving universe. For me, being a “child or daughter of God” has the deepest resonance. 

Remembering that I am a child of God is a daily practice, one that may take decades to anchor in as I am rewiring decades of external approval.

In the Bible, there are hundreds of passages that speak of how much God loves his people. In The book of Romans, Paul writes, “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (8:38-39)

This was significant to ancient people because they were only familiar with gods that were angry and had to be appeased. A God who loves us, takes care of us and even delights in us? This is an idea to chew on for many moons. 

The allure of success of real and tangible, but when I can see it for how pathological it is really is, how toxic to my soul, it’s easier to let it go. It’s not how I choose to live. 

Being free involves constantly checking in with God for my approval. Sometimes I do receive approval from man or from my jobs, and it does feel good. It’s a shot of “I’m loved. I’m valuable.” Social media is like an approval machine - it’s no wonder that it’s so addictive. The problem with seeking external approval for your identity is that it’s always changing. It’s like standing on shifting sand. One week you are the star employee, the next week you are despised by co-workers. 

A secondary problem with external approval is that it’s often based on a projected version of you. It’s not the whole you. Do they see how angry, bitter, fearful or insecure you really are on the inside? God sees, and God still loves you deeply, infinitely, eternally. 

The antidote to the pathology of success is to find your identity as the beloved son or daughter of God. 

Imagine what it feels like to know that you don’t have to exert an ounce of energy to gain and reinforce people’s opinions of you. A Higher Power is watching over you, your bank account, your career, your family, your relationship. He’s got the whole world in his hands and you are God’s pride and joy. Not because of what you do, but because of who you are. 

“Just to breathe in this beautiful existence is proof enough that existence of loves you, that it needs you; otherwise you would not be here. You are! Existence has given birth to you.”

- OSHO