The Christian Kaleidoscope: How My Faith Keeps Changing
A good seed and a good God
Growing Up, Christianity was my safe haven. I inhabited a world that was run by a good God who loved me and had a good plan for my life. I didn’t know anything else.
My childhood was as happy as anyone could want for their child. I don’t have any dark memories. It was filled with good and light and a whole lot of God.
Yet, by the time I was in high school, I sensed that there were somethings “off” about the version of Christianity that I had been taught in church. I didn’t have the words for it, nor anyone I could talk to. So I chucked the whole magic 8-ball out the window.
I put my faith on the top shelf to collect dust while I searched elsewhere for answers: book stores, angel cards, gurus, online courses, Rwanda, Singapore, Panama.
While I absorbed answers from elsewhere, that good seed stayed with me. For most of my 20’s, I didn’t pay attention to teachings or the Bible anymore, but I did believe that my life had a purpose and that cosmos was filled with something Good.
These ideas just made sense to me, and I didn’t need the church or the Bible to tell me that my life mattered.
Ten years and 37 countries later, I’m now a seminary student, and my understanding of Christianity has been turned inside out, cut up, patched over, and re-stitched several times over. Like paper in the hands of a master origami artist, Christianity keeps opening up, changing form and showing me something new.
These days, I can safely say that my teenage hunch was right. There is a whole more to Christianity than I was taught.
There are thousands of versions of “Christianity.”
Throughout the last 2000 years, people have found countless different ways to make sense of the Christian beliefs and live out their newfound faith. Some of these nuances seem oppositional, but they all claimed to be Christian. Christians today have totally lost sight of the multifaceted traditions in the religion’s history.
There is more than one way to be authentically Christian. In fact, there are thousands of practices and history proves it.
I once heard that Christianity is an invitation to know and be known by God.
I love that.
If I think of Christianity as, not a box for me to fit into, but an invitation to know and be known by God, then it is something I can keep exploring.
As I study and learn in my Mdiv program, the layers of the Christianity onion keep falling off. The longer I look at Christianity under a microscope, the more I see about the nature of the specimen. It is alive, morphing and … speaking to me!
2. We will all follow a "religion," a guiding life ethos that directs our actions and choices.
If we think we don't have one, we will make one up, or worse, adopt a religion that harms us and the world.
I used to feel like “God” was an annoying concept. I wanted to chuck it out and just do what made me happy, but now I see that choosing what makes you happy is a religion of its own. That ethos will shape my character, direct my actions and tune my heart - in ways I might not want. Someone else’s god could be the perfect job, the perfect child, an idealized fantasy spouse. Or the Stanley Cup, the NBA championship. Or a Porsche. Or their next meal. We, humans, are created to crave, so we will spend our lives seeking fulfilment in something.
Every world religion offers us guiding principles, myths, rituals and practices for a meaningful life.
Western modern culture also offers us a religion: work, get paid, shop, go on vacation.
To be alive is to choose a way to live.
Frankly, I’m not convinced that devoting my life to getting paid or sculpting the perfect body is the best way. Where else should I look for a god?
The world’s religions offer us stories about God and advocate a life shaped by generosity, humility, service, compassion. Christianity is one of these.
3. Christianity is one of world's enduring religions.
It is no longer possible for me to believe that Christianity is the one true religion. For me, that’s like saying, ‘dogs are strong.’ A child may believe that, and it can be helpful for them as they come to understand the role of dogs in the world. As adults, we know that not all dogs are strong nor are they the only animal suitable for a pet.
It's common to hear people say, “All religions are the way. They’re all different paths to God.” I used to think the same thing, but as I’ve learned more about world religions and experienced different traditions, it’s clear: religions are not the same. Some don’t even point to God.
Though they are not the same, all religions do have similarities in the way they serve a sacramental function. Here I summarize from Marc J. Borg’s book, The Heart Of Christianity:
They point to the ‘more’, ’sacred’ and ‘real’ and they all affirm that the sacred can be known and experienced.
They all affirm a way, a path that speaks of dying to an old identity and way of being and being born into a new identity and way of being.
They provide practical measures for living the path, undergoing the sacred journey.
They all extol compassion as the primary ethic and virtue of life.
They all contain a collection of teachings and beliefs, which have been put into words.
The church taught me to ignore other religions because they are all ‘obviously’ wrong. I wish this had never happened. I wish Christians were honest enough to look at other religions and understand how their wisdom tradition fits in with others.
I’m in the middle of completing a world religions course, and it is helping me to see Christianity with entirely new eyes. I am receiving so much from this course that I wish it would go on for a year! I wish I could spend a month, even a year, learning about each of the world’s religions!
Borg explains that seeing Christianity as one of the enduring primordial traditions of the world doesn’t discount it; it shows that it has something to offer the world too.
4. Christianity is not the only spiritual tradition that has helped me grow.
As I come to understand Christianity as a path of transformation, I can see how it helped me grow into a more mature and compassionate person. One that is reigned by love, not by my lower desires of fear, greed or gluttony.
But Christianity is not the only spirituality I know.
Practices like yoga, which originates from Hinduism, meditation and mindfulness, which stems from Buddhism, seva, the Sikh practice of selfless service, have influenced my values and helped me cultivate a more kind, peaceful and grounded spirit.
In yoga, I found a spirituality that honoured the body as a sacred vessel, for my soul and for the divine. In yoga, we practise compassion towards the body in ways that are simply is not talked about Christian churches. For Christianity, an idea like making peace with your body might be #500 on the list of priorities, whereas it might be #5 on the list in yoga.
When I first came back to Toronto and ended up working in a church, I wasn’t sure what to make of the part of me that had found resonance with other spiritual traditions.
In my current life, working with Christian organizations in paid jobs, it always felt dishonest to me to let people assume that I’m a Christian. In my mind, Christians were close-minded to people of other religions. (I know that’s a generalization, but it’s also been my experience that the average Christian isn’t avidly learning about other religions.)
For me, acknowledging the support, edification and growth I’ve received from the practices and teachings of other religions doesn’t deny God; it proves that there is Something Bigger going on than Christianity alone gets to contain.
Hinduism predates Christianity by some 3000 years. Zoroastrianism is the world’s oldest monotheistic religion and it shows up centuries before Christianity did. Historians believe that many of its ideas, like the battle between light and darkness, influenced Judaism and eventually, Christianity.
Publicly acknowledging the influence of other spiritual traditions in my life is also important because it recognizes that the 9 years of my life between age 18-26 mattered.
I did a lot of soul searching, deconstructing, living, traveling, loving, learning, processing and integrating of other spiritualities, all of which has made me a better person. I don’t want to cut that part of myself off, and neither does God.
Who I am today is heavily influenced by my world travels, and it was “God” who gave me all those world travels.
Now I understand that some of my “Christian-ness” can be compatible with and what I have learned from other spiritual traditions.
Already, I am much more than just Christian… I share an affinity with yogis, Sikhs, Hindus, Muslims, Aboriginal traditions.
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5. Christianity itself keeps morphing. As does my personal beliefs and thoughts about it.
Christianity itself keeps morphing, as does my personal beliefs and thoughts about it.
The scope of what I once knew outside of and inside of Christianity has multiplied exponentially. And this process is still happening. I’m only halfway through my Mdiv program, and there is much more I'll have to unpack.
Christianity used to be summed up in the cross, the story of Jesus, a man who claimed to be the son of God, was crucified and rose from the dead.
Now, Christianity for me is now a rotating kaleidoscope. It's never static. Every time the scope turns, the entire picture shifts.
When I look at Christianity through the lens of world religions, my view changes.
When I look at it through the Torah, the Jewish Bible, it changes.
Through postmodern Western eyes, it changes.
Through Eastern eyes, it changes.
Through the eyes of an atheist and it changes.
Turning. Unfolding. Disarming. Reconciling.
Sometimes a coloured crystal chip is added to my kaleidoscope, and sometimes one is taken away.
The shifts in colour and vision are not something I'm doing, so much as it is something happening to me.
Then, there is my own lens, the one that comes most naturally to me.
When I look at Christianity with an eye for beauty, travel and humanity, I start to see where I fit.
Infinite Love,
Anita
