Opening The Black Box of Christianity

“At their best, religious and spiritual communities help us discover this pure and naked spiritual encounter. At their worst, they simply make us more ashamed, pressuring us to cover up more, pushing us to further enhance our image with the best designer labels and latest spiritual fads, weighing us down with layer upon layer of heavy, uncomfortable, pretentious, well-starched religiosity.”

― Brian D. McLaren

There has been much harm inflicted in our world in the name of Christianity, but there has also been much good. And the same can be said about every world religion. I’ve learned that we should not judge a religion by its misuse. We must be fair when assessing a religion’s claims, beliefs and practices. 

At one point, I hated all Christians, but that would be like hating all Buddhists because of the horrific ethnic cleansing in Myanmar, violence perpetrated by people who are Buddhists. Buddhism is a religion that we would associate with peace in the west, thanks to people like the Dalai Lama and Thich Nanh Hanh. The bad examples cannot be the sum total of my assessment. I have to look at the heart of the religion. What is it really about? 

Just as Buddhist practices like meditation and mindfulness have brought something much needed for us frantic, stressed-out people, Christianity has also brought good things into the world. It’s part of the reason why women and black people can vote today. 

Once I learned how to see Christianity a little more clearly from the outside, I had to consider what it means to me. How does it affect me?

Has being involved in Christianity, its people, its practices, its beliefs made my life any better? 

Have I become more exclusivist, racist, greedy?

Or has Christianity — my involvement in and experience with certain Christian traditions — compelled me to be more or less of the person I want to be?

Have I become more compassionate, selfless or generous? 

I had to answer these questions for myself before I could start writing about Christianity.

A Pilgrim’s Personal Journey

As I start to share my journey through Christianity on this website, I’m fully aware that you might come from a different place. My lens for processing Christianity is coloured by where I come from, my personal history and experiences in and outside of the church. I think it’s important to mention it before we go further. 

I was born Christian. I was brought up more Christian than I was Canadian or Chinese. My dad was a young pastor from the time when I was born. While studying in university, he had found God and went to seminary to become a pastor after a bout with cancer. 

My childhood memories are filled with happy times building forts in the fellowship room to church, playing hide and seek behind the red velvet curtains on the stage, eating cheese ritz crackers in my dad’s “pastors office,” and playing at recess with my friends at the Christian private school I attended. 

I know all the Sunday School songs. I know all the Bible stories. I have memorized all the Bible verses they sell as fridge magnets. My childhood existed in a safe Christian bubble until my family moved to the Toronto area when I was in Grade 4. I didn’t have anything horrible happen to me at church. In that sense, I was not harmed by the church. 

When I was 11 years old, we moved into a new suburb closer to Toronto, one filled with immigrants. I started attending a public school and, for the first time in my life, had friends from Iraq, Iran, Egypt, Sri Lanka. 

The questions started around that time, but they took on a life of their own when I was in high school. 

I had been taught a version of Christianity that I could recite in eight words, which is fine for children. 

Then I became a teenager who could write 800-word essays.

Now I am a woman who can write 8,000-word essays.

I have digested thousands of pages, millions of words about Christianity.

What was once an 8-word belief system and a place to sing songs on Sunday has now become 5,000 years of world history, travels to 37 countries and 40,000 denominations.

Each of those 8 words in my childhood faith has been fractured into a million thoughts by theologians, scholars, writers, mystics, saints and myself. 

What was once just a cross, is now a kaleidoscope. 

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I am fully aware that for some people - the things I will share may seem like a departure away from “true” Christian beliefs. 

I now understand that there is not just one version of the Christian faith or one Christian practice. There are thousands. And even if you asked four people in a church what they believe and how they practice their faith you’ll get something different. Ask 10 people from 10 different denominations. Then ask 1000 people from 1000 different denominations. I am one little speck on that spectrum.

In no way do I think that my way of explaining the Christian faith is the only way. It is just one way, and it is the one that is kept me walking towards a life of compassion, a life closer to God.

If you have ever walked through the spiritual wilderness, where it seems like you just can’t believe what ‘they’ believe anymore, I hope you will find solace in knowing that you’re not alone. 

I walk with you. 

Infinite Love, 

Anita