Introducing... Home And The Hills

(Why I’ve Changed The Name of This Website)

As Christmas is drawing near, my to-do list has gotten longer. But after trying to “slow down” for a few years, I think I am getting the hang of it now. I am aware of when I am tempted to check out and enter an unconscious state of getting things done. That’s when time passes, and I can madly check things off my to-do list but at the end of the day, I feel empty. I have not connected with love or peace.  My emotions are jumbled into knots because I have treated myself like a machine. 

This space in between autumn and winter, before the anticipation for Christmas has settled in for me, feels precious. I don’t want to waste it by losing myself in work. 

I want to taste the goodness of God that is right here with me. 

Feeling Home

I am starting to feel these little moments of joy bubble up. After 3 years of feeling unsettled and discontent and disappointed about my life in the city, I think that all of my tiny attempts to make peace with my life are paying off. All those blogs I wrote a year or two ago, like seeds I planted in my unconscious, seem to be sprouting and I am feeling the quiet energy of life flow through my days. 

The urge to run away and find somewhere “exotic” to live or explore is fading. All my ambition and selfish motivations waning. The air in my tires is leaking out, and I am ok with that. I’ve gotten out of the car. I am here on this little tiny corner of earth in Canada, and although it’s not what my 25 year old self would have chosen, it is still good. 

I live now in a small townhouse at the top of a hill in a tranquil town on the outskirts of the Toronto area. In 20 or 30 years, this town will likely balloon and become a small city. For now, there is only one of each type grocery store. One Walmart. Two Tim Hortons.

I have to drive through a few minutes of country roads to get here. It’s only a few minutes, but those minutes create a healthy distance from the congestion of the nearby cities that are 6-8 times the size of this town. 

It’s peaceful and it is perfect. God chose this place for me, and I trust God knows what He’s doing. 

The Return of Wonder

Lately, a quiet sense of adventure and wonder has risen in my spirit. Wonder is medicine to my soul. I wake up one and one of my first thoughts is, This house is not mine. It’s God’s house and He’s given it to me to live in and steward. I can look at my closet and think, these are clothes from God for me to wear now. All the furniture in the house is a gift from God. I own nothing. I am as free as I was when I was taking trains across Italy with nothing but a backpack for seven weeks. I am as free as I was when I lived in East Africa for three months and everything I needed fit into my medium red suitcase, or was temporarily given to me to use. 

I am free, and my life is filled with wonder and adventure the Sovereign Being of Love and Goodness, which I call God, is watching over me and leading me onward. 

This chapter of my life living in a home on a hill will be good. 

It was not what I planned when I flew to Montenegro on that fateful July in 2017. (The only flight I ever missed). But then again, I like leaving my trips open ended, and now God has chosen the next scene in the story of my life. 

The Chapter Of The Home And The Hills 

I changed the name of this website because I need to dissolve the part of me that was fixated on building an indentity for myself online. These days, I can admit it. AnitaWingLee.com and @anitawinglee were projections. They was me, but they was also an attempt to create a version of me so that I could feel okay in the world. They also created a strange loop where I felt like the website and my social media defined me. I needed the social affirmation that comes with posting things online. 

In this chapter of my life, it’s finally to grow up. Past the desires of my twenties. Past the desire to create “something of my myself.” Past the need for human approval. 

I will certainly keep writing and creating, but I need to let my creations live apart from my identity. Like a baker who produces a load of bread, I am learning to view my art with less personal attachment. Here is a loaf. I hope that it can feed someone (or even myself) when we are hungry, but it’s just a loaf. It is not me. 

Home: 

The thing I was always looking for, but refused to admit. The thing we are all looking for.  This is about the journey of finding home, creating home, choosing home, and learning how to be home, anywhere in the world.  Our physical homes, and especially our spirtual sense of homes.  I hope to also chronicle the story of building a Home For Humanity, a space in the world where we can create, heal, dream and grow the kind of world we would want for our children.  

The Hills: 

I still love travelling. I am still the person who will walk to the top of the hill every time for the view (in fact, I do this almost everyday at my current home). Let us not be afraid of life’s hills. But let us navigate the hills with wisdom, courage, gentleness and wonder. We rest when we need, but we persevere, all the way until our time on earth ends. I also happen to live in a region called Halton Hills, and yep, it’s covered with hills. My legs have grown sculpted quads, calves and hamstrings from running up and down these hills since I moved here!

To be honest, there are still some technical glitches that changing the domain name has created… (You might have noticed that all of the anitawinglee.com blog links are now broken!) I still have sort out what to do about this, but I’ll get to it when it feels like it’s time.

Until then, it already feels so very freeing to not have the website in my name. So, we’ll start with that. :)

If you are reading this, thank you for sticking around. I hope that this chapter is one that we can walk through together!

Infinite Love,
Anita